September 21

I've discovered the trick to not snacking at work. Forget your wallet at home. If you don't pack snacks, and have no $ to buy them, you can't eat them. But I still need to work on meal prep to stay on track.
Baby steps.
On a personal n

New plans

Self discovery is never a fun and easy process. One discovers all kinds of weaknesses and flaws masquerading as normalsies. But one must discover weaknesses in order to grow and improve. 

Do I sound like a self help guru yet? 

Let's get real. I suck at consistency. I suck at self discipline. I suck at interpersonal interactions. And I'm a horrible human being. That last one isn't entirely true. I'm just a somewhat horrible human being. I lied again. I'm a middle of the pack human being. But I still suck at consistency and self discipline.

Today I bought a small notebook to write everything down that I ingest. I'm hoping the idea of having to write it down keeps me from actually eating some things. 

We'll see how it goes. I might only last a few weeks....who am I kidding? I hope to at least do it for the week. Electronic tracking is not working for me so maybe old school is my style.

Wish me luck.

Sept 17.

Self-sabotage.
That is the word of the day.
Why is it that when I get in a groove, I figure out a way to ruin it in one fell swoop? I ate a good breakfast, I avoided temptation, I walked for lunch....then I stopped by the convenience store! What do I buy? Strawberry sugar wafers! I keep doing this to myself!
Why!?!?
I just lost all of what I wrote! Damn phone.
I wish I could afford one of those live in programs like true north that help you break food addiction. I truly am addicted. I sneak food. I buy what I can't afford just to get my food fix. My day revolves around avoiding, then caving to food temptation. I've read the books, I've watched the videos, I've followed the blogs and the doctors and the knowledge. I'm weak. I've developed a dependence on candies and cookies.
I have a few people who support me, but when you are the lone vegan trying to lose weight in the house, it becomes a daily challenge to stay the course. My only motivation is me. I'm forever alone mentally, physically and emotionally. I'm tired.
I wish there was one thing in my life that was easy. Just one. I'm tired of struggling. Of feeling like a failure. Of shouldering it by myself again and again and again...

My new habit.

It seems like my new habit is blogging every other day. Yesterday's excuse was I was babysitting my neice and didn't have my computer. Plus she exhausts me and I fell asleep super early. It's only a half assed excuse because I'm typing this on my phone and didn't need my computer. But I didn't think about using my phone yesterday, so points both for and against me there.
Today Maddie and I played at the playground a few blocks from my house. We also played paddle ball in the front yard. With a walk before and after, I don't feel too bad for altering routine.
So until next time...I'm going to bed. Nighty- night.

And the Downward Spiral Begins

I missed two days. I'm going to have to tack these two missed days to the end of the month I guess. Consistency is not my strong suit. This is why I yo-yo diet. Today is the day I make firm decisions about my life. No more excuses, no more wishy-washy.

I wonder if my missed blog posts are a result of my poor eating. Yesterday was super bad. I had 3 unhealthy snack times. I ate oily popcorn, an entire bag of twizzlers, and a soda. Here is my entire day yesterday:
Breakfast -  Bagel with corn butter, small bowl of cereal (the usual) and a can of v8 energy
Lunch - left over pizza, dr pepper
Dinner - side salad with tahini dressing, applesauce, and a plate of fries with ketchup
Here is the bad part
Snacks - bag of Twizzler bites, bag of Skinny pop, handful of grapes.

Today wasn't much better.
Breakfast - HCH's choco-pb "shake" made with 2 bananas, PB2 powder, cocoa powder, 2 dates, 1 cp almond milk.
Lunch - Chipotle veggie burrito, chips, Iced tea
Dinner - spaghetti, 2 small pieces of bread with corn butter, water
Snack - 4 pretzels with nut cheese.

I guess today wasn't too horrible, just that lunch. I'm sure it was loaded with oil. I should have walked to pita pit instead. It would have been about the same amount of food, but no oils. I just wish they had brewed teas instead of that nasty instant crap.

Tomorrow we have Maddie, dinner will suck for me because we'll probably have MCL. They are probably the least me friendly. But Maddie will run me ragged so there's a positive.

I MISSED A DAY!

I would say I missed the day of blogging because I was in deep  reflection on the day. But that would be a lie. I laid down in my bed and was out like a light. It didn't even dawn on me that I missed a blog until dinner tonight. It's a good thing I don't have any major insights to impart or viewers to hold it against me. I'm just focused on self improvement and accountability.

So what happened yesterday. There was a bombardment of reminders of the past. And while I wish the nation had the same level of unity now as it did 17 years ago, I don't want to relive the time. We need to learn from the past, and move on.

On a personal note:
I'm having trouble finding the motivation to get my fat ass to the gym. I don't understand why it's so difficult. I used to love going to the gym. I mean, I do hate my current gym so that might be a contributing factor. But I have to start moving again. I've become a sloth.

And my food intake is not fantastic either. I almost bought more cherry sours today. But I did stop myself. I wish I could have done the same with the Dr. Pepper. I had fruit snacks, but it would have been better to just eat the fruit. I know what I should be doing in my head, I'm just failing at the discipline.

Yesterdays food:
Breakfast: grape nuts, almond milk, blueberries, Red Bull
Lunch: Potatoes, green beans, peanut butter crackers, salad, Dr. Pepper
Dinner: Slice of vegan pizza, pretzels with nut cheese, grapes, bagle

Todays Food:
Breakfast: bagel with corn butter, v8 energy
Lunch: Potatoes, green beans, cannellini beans, mustard
Dinner: Jockamo's pizza, breadsticks
Snacks: fruit snacks, Dr. Pepper

September 10

I am so pleasantly surprised. I'm not sore at all from the Warrior Dash. I'm usually a "second day" sore kind of gal. The day of, and the day after I'm good. But that second day after is usually a killer. I'm not even remotely sore. I am finding bruises in new places, but what do you expect?
It really was a lot of fun and super muddy.

Next year, I'm planning on not needing a silly pose to hide my fattitude.

So today's schedule was all out of wack today. I had training for 4 hours and it was in the dead center of my shift. I ended up eating lunch at a relatively normal time for regular people. Considering I usually eat lunch at 4 or 4:30, having lunch at 1 really threw me off.

Breakfast: Grape nuts, almond milk, and blueberries.
Lunch: Potatoes and green beans
Dinner: McAllisters Deli (I had a salad with veggie chili, grilled veggies and guac; a veggie sandwich, crackers and strawberry lemonade)
Snacks: Cherry Coke, peanut butter crackers, mixed nuts.

A lot of calories.