September 21

I've discovered the trick to not snacking at work. Forget your wallet at home. If you don't pack snacks, and have no $ to buy them, you can't eat them. But I still need to work on meal prep to stay on track.
Baby steps.
On a personal n

New plans

Self discovery is never a fun and easy process. One discovers all kinds of weaknesses and flaws masquerading as normalsies. But one must discover weaknesses in order to grow and improve. 

Do I sound like a self help guru yet? 

Let's get real. I suck at consistency. I suck at self discipline. I suck at interpersonal interactions. And I'm a horrible human being. That last one isn't entirely true. I'm just a somewhat horrible human being. I lied again. I'm a middle of the pack human being. But I still suck at consistency and self discipline.

Today I bought a small notebook to write everything down that I ingest. I'm hoping the idea of having to write it down keeps me from actually eating some things. 

We'll see how it goes. I might only last a few weeks....who am I kidding? I hope to at least do it for the week. Electronic tracking is not working for me so maybe old school is my style.

Wish me luck.

Sept 17.

Self-sabotage.
That is the word of the day.
Why is it that when I get in a groove, I figure out a way to ruin it in one fell swoop? I ate a good breakfast, I avoided temptation, I walked for lunch....then I stopped by the convenience store! What do I buy? Strawberry sugar wafers! I keep doing this to myself!
Why!?!?
I just lost all of what I wrote! Damn phone.
I wish I could afford one of those live in programs like true north that help you break food addiction. I truly am addicted. I sneak food. I buy what I can't afford just to get my food fix. My day revolves around avoiding, then caving to food temptation. I've read the books, I've watched the videos, I've followed the blogs and the doctors and the knowledge. I'm weak. I've developed a dependence on candies and cookies.
I have a few people who support me, but when you are the lone vegan trying to lose weight in the house, it becomes a daily challenge to stay the course. My only motivation is me. I'm forever alone mentally, physically and emotionally. I'm tired.
I wish there was one thing in my life that was easy. Just one. I'm tired of struggling. Of feeling like a failure. Of shouldering it by myself again and again and again...

My new habit.

It seems like my new habit is blogging every other day. Yesterday's excuse was I was babysitting my neice and didn't have my computer. Plus she exhausts me and I fell asleep super early. It's only a half assed excuse because I'm typing this on my phone and didn't need my computer. But I didn't think about using my phone yesterday, so points both for and against me there.
Today Maddie and I played at the playground a few blocks from my house. We also played paddle ball in the front yard. With a walk before and after, I don't feel too bad for altering routine.
So until next time...I'm going to bed. Nighty- night.

And the Downward Spiral Begins

I missed two days. I'm going to have to tack these two missed days to the end of the month I guess. Consistency is not my strong suit. This is why I yo-yo diet. Today is the day I make firm decisions about my life. No more excuses, no more wishy-washy.

I wonder if my missed blog posts are a result of my poor eating. Yesterday was super bad. I had 3 unhealthy snack times. I ate oily popcorn, an entire bag of twizzlers, and a soda. Here is my entire day yesterday:
Breakfast -  Bagel with corn butter, small bowl of cereal (the usual) and a can of v8 energy
Lunch - left over pizza, dr pepper
Dinner - side salad with tahini dressing, applesauce, and a plate of fries with ketchup
Here is the bad part
Snacks - bag of Twizzler bites, bag of Skinny pop, handful of grapes.

Today wasn't much better.
Breakfast - HCH's choco-pb "shake" made with 2 bananas, PB2 powder, cocoa powder, 2 dates, 1 cp almond milk.
Lunch - Chipotle veggie burrito, chips, Iced tea
Dinner - spaghetti, 2 small pieces of bread with corn butter, water
Snack - 4 pretzels with nut cheese.

I guess today wasn't too horrible, just that lunch. I'm sure it was loaded with oil. I should have walked to pita pit instead. It would have been about the same amount of food, but no oils. I just wish they had brewed teas instead of that nasty instant crap.

Tomorrow we have Maddie, dinner will suck for me because we'll probably have MCL. They are probably the least me friendly. But Maddie will run me ragged so there's a positive.

I MISSED A DAY!

I would say I missed the day of blogging because I was in deep  reflection on the day. But that would be a lie. I laid down in my bed and was out like a light. It didn't even dawn on me that I missed a blog until dinner tonight. It's a good thing I don't have any major insights to impart or viewers to hold it against me. I'm just focused on self improvement and accountability.

So what happened yesterday. There was a bombardment of reminders of the past. And while I wish the nation had the same level of unity now as it did 17 years ago, I don't want to relive the time. We need to learn from the past, and move on.

On a personal note:
I'm having trouble finding the motivation to get my fat ass to the gym. I don't understand why it's so difficult. I used to love going to the gym. I mean, I do hate my current gym so that might be a contributing factor. But I have to start moving again. I've become a sloth.

And my food intake is not fantastic either. I almost bought more cherry sours today. But I did stop myself. I wish I could have done the same with the Dr. Pepper. I had fruit snacks, but it would have been better to just eat the fruit. I know what I should be doing in my head, I'm just failing at the discipline.

Yesterdays food:
Breakfast: grape nuts, almond milk, blueberries, Red Bull
Lunch: Potatoes, green beans, peanut butter crackers, salad, Dr. Pepper
Dinner: Slice of vegan pizza, pretzels with nut cheese, grapes, bagle

Todays Food:
Breakfast: bagel with corn butter, v8 energy
Lunch: Potatoes, green beans, cannellini beans, mustard
Dinner: Jockamo's pizza, breadsticks
Snacks: fruit snacks, Dr. Pepper

September 10

I am so pleasantly surprised. I'm not sore at all from the Warrior Dash. I'm usually a "second day" sore kind of gal. The day of, and the day after I'm good. But that second day after is usually a killer. I'm not even remotely sore. I am finding bruises in new places, but what do you expect?
It really was a lot of fun and super muddy.

Next year, I'm planning on not needing a silly pose to hide my fattitude.

So today's schedule was all out of wack today. I had training for 4 hours and it was in the dead center of my shift. I ended up eating lunch at a relatively normal time for regular people. Considering I usually eat lunch at 4 or 4:30, having lunch at 1 really threw me off.

Breakfast: Grape nuts, almond milk, and blueberries.
Lunch: Potatoes and green beans
Dinner: McAllisters Deli (I had a salad with veggie chili, grilled veggies and guac; a veggie sandwich, crackers and strawberry lemonade)
Snacks: Cherry Coke, peanut butter crackers, mixed nuts.

A lot of calories.

September 9th

Today was a pretty boring, lazy day. Both dad and I had wonky tummies so not a lot got accomplished. So I'll just share my food.

Breakfast: Juice, fig newtons
Lunch: hashbrowns and veggies
Dinner: Crabless cakes, green beans
Snack: pretzels, peanut butter

Warrior Dash Day

Today was warrior dash day! As usual, it was a blast. It was extra muddy this year because of all the rain. The first mile, which is supposed to be just trail running, was actually the first obstacle. It was a mile of mud pit. Big thank you to Robin for joining me last minute. You're the best! According to my fitbit I took 13k steps. I don't trust that it took an accurate reading because I had it in a baggie in my fanny pack. But I'll take 13k.
As soon as I figure out how to upload pics on this computer I'll ad a couple.

Today's food:
Breakfast: Plain bagel
Lunch: 1/2 a beer, sour cherries, sugar wafers, burrito, small can of red bull.
Dinner: Daly's buffet. I had hibatchi grilled veggies and rice, two small spring rolls, two fried biscuits and a couple pieces of honeydew.

September 7th

Tomorrow is Warrior Dash. Every year I say I'm going to be in shape in time, every year I fail. But that's ok. Maybe next year will be different. It does get depressing seeing all those beautiful fit people...and then me. I'll be the muddy whale on the course. Hopefully I don't fail miserably this year.

As for my food today

Breakfast: missed

Lunch: Potatoes and veggies with mustard.

Dinner: Fries, Rice, Applesauce and a small dinner salad.

I did drink two V8's so maybe that fixes the poor dinner and no breakfast decisions.

Wish me luck for tomorrow. I hope I don't make a fool of myself.

Busy day

It's day 6 of 30. I still haven't made it to the gym. I've been picking up as many OT hours at work as possible. It kind of limits the number of hours available to allot to activities.

I'm just going to log my meals and call it a day.

Breakfast:
Part of a Seitan chorizo burrito. It was too spicy for me.

Lunch:
Potatoes with the last of my spaghetti sauce and a bag of frozen veggies

Snacks:
Vegan CC cookie
Peanut butter crackers
a can of Dr Pepper

Dinner:
Applesauce
Fries
Fruit bowl

See you tomorrow.

Day 5

I'm not going to claim that today was an overly successful day.
I over ate
I hardly moved
and work sucked.

It started out ok. I made some potatoes in the instant pot. Made my lunch for work, potatoes with leftover spaghetti sauce. Then work happened and I splurged. I'm going to leave the blog at that.

Food for the day:
Of course breakfast was normal; Grape Nuts, blueberries and almond milk.
Lunch - Slice of leftover pizza, grapes, potatoes with spaghetti sauce...

and here is were it went down hill.
Snack - Cherry coke and peanut butter crackers.

Dinner - last of the pizza, left over spaghetti, peanut butter with pretzels, grapes, and cherry sours.

I guess I was doing the if the day was crap, might as well end it eating crap.

Tomorrow will be better because I'll be better.

Four Bagger

Day four of thirty.

I think the universe was trying to send me a message, but I ignored it. I have been going to 3Carrots for dinners on Tuesday because it's dad's day to have Waffle House. Obviously I can't eat Waffle House. So I usually treat myself to either a beet burger, Not Chos, or some other vegan delight. The problem is they use a LOT of oil in their cooking. So it's not a healthy treat.
Today is Tuesday. I debated skipping 3Carrots and just having something from home that I could control. 3Carrots won out. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending how you look at it, 3Carrots was closed today. So I was going to come home and be good.
Then I drove by Jockamo's, and pizza won out. I only ate half of the pie and 3 breadsticks. I didn't "over indulge" I'll eat on the rest of the pie the rest of the week. I just wish I had had the will power to not indulge. Oh well, baby steps.

Todays food intake:

Breakfast - Grape nuts with blueberries and almond milk (almost forgot my last v8 drink)
Lunch - foot long Subway Veggie Delight (bread, lettuce, spinach, tomato, more tomato, cucumber, green pepper and a touch of mustard
Dinner - previously mentioned pizza
ZERO SNACKS
and of course, water.

I almost missed it!

Day three is rapidly coming to an end. You thought I was going to miss it didn't you? Oh, yee of little faith. Lets get the hard part over. Measurements. I misplaced my measuring tape so I'm going to post the numbers from a few weeks ago. I can't imagine they changed THAT much. I'll measure again just as soon as I find my tape. Enough chatter.
*SIGH*
Waste-44in
Bust - 49"
Under Bust - 42"
Hips - 50"
Arms -   R-14.5"  L-14"
Thighs - R- 26" L-26"
Calves - both are 16"
Knees -19.5"

I'm not going to drown my sorrows in a tub of vegan ice cream. I'm going to motivate myself to do better. I've been pretty good at only eating when I'm hungry this past weekend. There were many times when I wanted to swing by somewhere and buy a snack just because I could. I held myself back. I have been drinking V-8 peach mango drinks which I'm sure isn't good. I only have one left so I'll be attempting to kick that habit soon, too.

Maybe I'll start writing my daily food intake just to remind myself what I did, what worked, and what didn't work. I don't know if you've noticed, there is no rhyme or reason in structure yet. I'll work on that later.

So I didn't eat breakfast until 10:30. I had about 26 oz of water before that, I just didn't eat until I was hungry. Breakfast consisted of Grape Nuts with blueberries and almond milk. For lunch, I had the last of my rice, a can of green beans, and a salad with tomato and dressing. I did eat a few grapes and a handful of tortilla chips. Of course, a glass of water was had. I didn't snack on anything today between lunch and dinner. For dinner we had some more spaghetti left overs. Mine was sauted onions, mushrooms, red pepper, garlic and spinach in an oil free spaghetti sauce. I did have two small pieces of bread and the minute bit of vegan butter. I finally used the last of the butter and am not buying any more. I'm going to make the corn butter from the New Found Vegan site. About an hour ago I had a handful of grapes.

Pretty good if I do say so myself. I have a busy day for tomorrow. I need to do the trash in the morning, run the carpet cleaner, walk the dogs because I'm mean and didn't take them tonight, and then go to work. I'm pretty sure I'm going to force myself to go to the gym after work. I'm not overly motivated to go to the gym because I hate my gym. I need to figure out how to afford the Y again. Git Fit Indy is a crap gym that just needs to close already. But I can afford it so that's where I go.

That's all for now. I'll see you tomorrow.

Day 2 In the Bag

Day 2 of 30 daily posts.

I said I was going to do my measurements today but the day got away from me. I can tell you two of the numbers, the rest will come tomorrow for real. 

This is totally embarrassing.

I weigh 240 lbs and have a 44" waist. 

The last time I did Weight Watchers with my mom my starting weight was 233 lbs. and I vowed never to get that big again. When I first went vegan, I weighted in at 260 lbs. How sad is that? But this time I have a stronger understanding of what I should eat, why I should eat it, and when I should eat. I'm trying to not make food the center of my world. 

I have always been an emotional eater. Today was a very emotional day. I don't want to get into why yet, it's too fresh. Maybe in a later post. But I will say, even though my emotions were tanked, I didn't use that as an excuse to binge. A huge step in my world. 

I am contemplating a diet bet. I might be more likely to stick with everything when I have an end goal and a financial stake in the result. I researched how much I should weigh to decide on my diet bet wager. According to standards, my ideal weight for my height is 142 lbs. I honestly don't think that is an achievable goal. I'm aiming for 160. My Weight Watchers goal was 175 and I had almost made it, I think I was at 182 when I quit going. 

But here's my game plan.

I'm only going to eat when I'm hungry.

I'm going to stop when I'm full. (I'm still working on recognizing the signals)

I'm going to stop eating out as much as possible.

I'm going to focus on being a starchavor. This means half my plate is starchy whole foods, a quarter is non starchy vegetables, and a quarter is a bean or legume. 

I know it's possible because people on the McDougall facebook page have all touted huge weight losses and health benefits. 

So today I started (for the most part because I did have a handful of sour cherries) my new behaviors. Tomorrow I'm going to finish with my full measurements. Maybe post a pic or two of my starting place. I'm going to start going to the gym (again, for the umpteenth time). I'm going to start my diet bet. 

I'll see you tomorrow. Smile on.

Consistency is not my strength

Consistency is not my strength. I try to stick with things, but life happens. I'm trying to be better. I'm trying to do better. That being said, let's try this again. I'm going try to write every day for thirty days. They say if you do something for thirty days it becomes a habit. I'm going to test that theory.

So here goes.

I've been vegan for the past 2.5 years. Are there challenges? Yes. Are the challenges insurmountable? HECK NO! I truly believe, though, the motivation has to be bigger than yourself. If it was only about me, I'm sure I would have cheated a lot. But it's not only about me. It's about the animals, the environment, and my family (my ability to be there for them). (and yes I believe in oxford commas)  Have I made mistakes? I'm human. Does that answer your question? 

I'm going to start posting real info soon. I haven't been too strict in my WFPBNO. This means I haven't lost any of my excess weight. Sunday will be my reset day. I'm going to post measurements. And lay out a personal plan. I'm going to develop a structure for my entries. We'll see how that goes. I'm going to be truthful about my successes and my failures. This will be my accountability measure. 

Wish me luck.